Too Serious

I have a mandatory week and a half off of work. I love and dread this time off. I love it because I need the time away from here, I dread it because they make you take all of your personal days and vacation days off…it’s mandatory. So I will be sick a lot come October.

My Bay is coming for the first week that I’m off. We are going to chillax…well, he will. I have to finish this stupid exam. I’m stumped on some questions. But I’m going to try really hard to get it over with this week so that I can really just chill on my week off. I love the time off. Last year, Bay and I went to FL for the week’s vacation. It was one of the best vacations that I’ve ever had. I love his parent’s house and wish like hell that we were going there this week coming up, but funds are low and we are taking engagement pics next weekend.

I’m exhausted! I need this time off. And I need to hurry up and finish this test so that I can REALLY relax. Wish me luck…and relaxation! Enjoy the 4th!

Let me find out my mama’s friend is making my wedding cake FOR FREE!!! One of my bridesmaids was going to make my cake but she has recently decided to move to Texas, which I think is a great move for her. But that left me hugh and dry on the cake tip. I had only allotted $250 for a cake and a bakery is going to charge me $500 at the least. So the hunt began. My mom used to work with a lady that made wedding cakes on the side…but she’s since retired from everything. Well, I talked to Ms. CakeLady on Saturday and she told me that the price was between she and my mama. So I asked if my mom offered to pay and she said…nope. Who said that God ain’t good? Cuz they are WRONG!

I might have to buy a wedding present for myself! I want these bad boys…badly!

Nasty VP might be preparing herself for a lawsuit. I am going through the certification process to get a raise and a car. In my interview, they told me I’d get a raise and a car with certification…that is the ONLY reason that I took this position. I was in the bathroom yesterday when her nasty self comes in and starts talking. She asked me if I had looked at the car discount. I told her no because I was going to get a company car when I finished this certification process. She proceeds to tell me that nothing is certain anymore. So don’t be surprised if I don’t get a car with all of these cutbacks. She tells me how she doesn’t get a car (she gets a hefty car allowance though…she must think I don’t know) and how there are so many cutbacks and changes. Bitch please! Let me find out when I get that certification certificate that a car and a raise don’t come with it…there will be hell delivered from a little yellow girl named Too Serious! Believe that!

I’ve always felt like no one "GETS" me. If you ask anyone about me, the things that they say don’t really mean anything or represent who I really am. You’ll get a list like: Light skinned, pigeon toed, long hair, kinda mean, likes to laugh, easy going. Those are all really great, but there is someone inside of me that I honestly think no one sees. I’m not the easiest egg to crack…in fact I don’t show my true self to everyone. And the few that I have shown myself to, I truly believe still don’t understand me. I’m getting married in October and he’s the one person that I want to get me the most…but he doesn’t, really. It saddens me. I want to be seen through. I’m not like anyone else…I am uniquely me…sometimes I wish I was like everyone else…but I don’t know how to be. (Hey, that rhymed…I really didn’t mean for it to.) I say all of that to say that I’m lonely on this island of one. It is taking everything in me not to just shut down and shut everyone out (I’m pretty good at that). I’m trying to marry this man that I love and ache to be around. But I feel isolated and alone…when I’m surrounded by people or him. And it is lonely on my island.

Is not only NOT getting smaller…but is growling non-stop today. I mean really. I’ve been eating all day. Let’s see, I had: Yogurt, pistachios, a small salad, and I just ate some oatmeal. And ya know what…I’M STILL EFFING HUNGRY!!! Period. I don’t get it. WTF? I need my stomach to give me a break. I really am trying to lose this weight and this hunger is really making me feel discouraged.

I went over to my mom’s house on Saturday…which I try not to do and this is why. This is how it went down.
Mama grabs TS’s stomach and it goes like this:

Mama: Ooooweee! I just can’t understand how you got all of this stomach.
Me: Uhm, look at YOUR stomach!
Mama: My stomach has been stretched out 3 times.
Me: ‘Scuse me, your youngest child is 26 years old. I think in 30 years you could have sucked it in a little bit.
Mama: You right. <<Convo Over>>

Now, it took everything in me not to call my mama a bitch. My mother is a 16W-18W. I’m a 10-12 Misses. WTF?! Okay in the past year and a half I put on about 20 pounds. I get that. BUT DAMN! Why you always jigglin’ and talking shit about how big I am now? I’m not nearly obese. I’m 5′7" and 170 pounds. I am overweight but when most people look at me they don’t see me as fat. My mama…DOES. I guess it is because my siblings are both VERY thin. But so the hell what. I’m not. Period. Accept it. If I wasn’t planning a wedding and needing to fit into my dress a lot better, I would accept that shit and roll with it. But I can’t take her always commenting about my weight. I’m trying to watch what I eat and workout at least 5 times a week. What the hell is she doing? NOTHING. Oh, she’s calling me fat. Heifa! I’m still hot mad about that while situation.

Now, I’m mad and hungry! CRAP!